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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Mariana, 240294.
Fadzril's ever since 281209.
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Monday, May 10, 2010

I'm not gonna sleep tonight. I feel so fucked up, i dont know why. 21 more days to my first O level paper, how great is that. And it's one of my weakest subject. Nothing in this world is going my way. I'm too patient damn it. There's too much thinking going on in my mind right now. Fuck lah, i need my boyfriend lah. He makes me happy. But i dont even know where the hell is he. He's busy with his friends i guess, i can't blame him and i cant do anything. I mean, i can't always expect him to be with me everyday right. He has friends of all genders who wants to spend time with him and i cant be selfish. Even if i'm jealous things would still be the same. So i might as well just ignore whatever stuffs that's gonna make me jealous. There's no fucking point. i don't even know what i want to do right now with my life. I cannot be independent. Fuck myself! I'll get paranoid over the smallest things. My life is meaningless. All i want to be is a proud fat person who gets to eat the most delicious foods the world got to offer and not care about what people thinks! I really cant face my problems as a challenge anymore. I realised that i'm too weak. No i'm not being a pessimist, but it's a fact. Ahhhhhh stupid fag i just lost myself yet again.
But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay